Money is many things; to me, it symbolises freedom and oppression. With a lack of money, you need to trade your time for it to support yourself, to keep a roof over your head and food in your belly.
With enough money, not only do you get your own time back, but you can build things much larger than yourself. You can trade your money for other people’s freedom. Ideally, you are building something other people believe in and would gladly contribute to it if they had enough money to support themselves. Unfortunately, it often doesn’t end up this way.
Many people spend a lifetime doing things they can’t stand, feeling trapped and like they don’t have options; some people like the security it brings to support the life they want to lead outside of their work.
When I was young, I was never concerned with how I was going to support myself; there was a certain freedom to pursue things without concerns about how I would pay my bills; my parents provided a safety net for me.
I was idealistic and optimistic; I wanted to create games, art and music and give them away to people. I believe in collective knowledge and collaboration. I just wanted to communicate with others and provide people with new experiences.
Over time, reality began to set in, and I needed to figure out ways to support myself to live the kind of life I wanted to lead. I no longer wanted to burden my parents with that kind of financial responsibility.
I wanted to have the option to travel and explore the world, tinker with new ideas, try different foods and experience culture.
I tried working for other people and hiring others to work on my dream projects. But, I quickly realised how depressing it is to pay someone else to live the life you want to lead.
I’ve split my time between part-time work and tried to dedicate my downtime to my projects; being divided between worlds in this way can stop you from being productive at all.
It isn’t easy to pursue a creative life or something you find meaningful while juggling finances.
Finding your way through life can be difficult; with so many options, it can be hard to know if the path we are taking is the right one.
I often imagine all the endless possibilities of lives I could be living; it’s quite confronting realising all of the lives we won’t be able to live.
I imagine myself floating in a void, not being able to ground myself in any particular location, not knowing which way I should swim.
It’s times like these when you need to reach deep inside yourself and discover the truly meaningful things to you. It can be confronting, facing the suppressed parts of yourself and trying to erase the artificial boundaries that have been constructed through a lifetime of conditioning and trauma.
This whole process is a journey of self-exploration; you need to go off into the weeds, sail, and explore uncharted territory.
There isn’t anyone who will hold your hand and guide the way through this journey; it’s a journey you will have to take yourself. Other people can support you along the way, but you need to take the difficult steps.
I recently put in my notice at work to do self-discovery and explore some projects that are meaningful to me. Unfortunately, I haven’t set up a way to make it sustainable long term, but I have enough money to support myself, at least for a while.
It’s scary going from a safe and secure job to pursuing your dreams. It can feel like you’re crossing a tightrope between two sides of a canyon.
It’s reasonably safe on each side of the canyon, but while crossing, it can feel like there is no earth beneath your feet; it’s a vulnerable position to be in.
Both sides of the canyon require very different skills, and in the beginning, you will likely stumble and fall a bunch of times before you can climb your way out on the other side.
As I’m standing at the start of the tightrope surrounded by stability and familiarity, I’m filled with emotions; excitement, joy, fear and release.
I don’t know where this journey will end up, but if nothing else, I’ll come out the other side knowing more about myself and the life that I want to lead.
