Who are you? No… who are you really?
We perpetually tell ourselves stories about who we are, or who we aspire to be and we push in the direction that we think is right for us, but do we really want to be the person we tell ourselves we ought to be?
What are the things driving the decisions we’re making?
I’m an avid collector of books; deep into the hobby and thousands of dollars in, I made a realisation; I was purchasing way more books than I was ever reading. So why did I continue to purchase all of these books? What was my bookcase satisfying inside of me?
It very well could be a lifetime of training of consumerism, but I at least tell myself that it’s more than that.
The bookshelf has become an extension of myself and my personality. It’s a way to show the world who I am through my interests; a form of communication with those who enter my inner sanctum, It’s a way of expressing myself to myself.
It allows my space to become a representation of my interests, it’s an idea generation tool, a way to relax and bring me peace.
The bookshelf tells a story about my life, my interests and how I’ve changed as a person over the years. Oh, all those self help books, yeah… that was a phase, the design and architecture books, yep… I remember that period. The short stories and science fiction novels, that’s where I’m at right now.
A couple of years ago I took stock of all the books that I’d actually read and the ones which just lay on my bookshelf never to see the light of day. I was really surprised by what I’d found.
The things which I’d told myself I was interested in were not the books that I’d actually bothered reading.
I wanted to have the knowledge or perhaps I wanted to be the kind of person who had read a bunch of hefty books on archetypes, philosophy, psychology and mathematics, but I didn’t actually want to read them.
The pile of books that I’d actually bothered finishing were easier to read - investigative journalism books by Jon Ronson, a pile of books by Alain De Botton, some design books and a huge pile of fiction. Specifically short stories and novelettes.
The stories we tell
We often paint these pictures of who we want to be or the kinds of lives we’d like to live but how often would we actually enjoy that life if we had to walk in those shoes every day?
Is it more that we’d like to flick our fingers and have all the skills, knowledge and experiences that life would bring us without all the hard work and dedication?
How many people say they wish they were good at playing an instrument but never bother to act on it? They aren’t truely prepared to do what it takes to have the things that they believe they want; It’s a pipe dream.
For years I’ve sacrificed every aspect of my life to pursue my dreams; relationships have fallen apart, friends and family have felt disconnected, my physical fitness, health, diet and general life maintenance have gone down the wayside.
Is the ruthless pursuit of my dreams worth the life that it would take to actually achieve them? What would I miss out on if I continued to pursue it?
The way this has been framed sounds like it’s all been bad - it really hasn’t. I’ve felt a great sense of accomplishment. I’ve learnt a huge amount, I’ve met incredibly interesting people and I have a lot of freedom in the work that I choose to do.
The good part is that these sorts of things tend to have compounding effects - the longer I’ve been on this path, the more quickly I tend to see results.
The earlier you can establish these skills the more freedom you can have in your life from that moment onwards, but getting there, you often need to rely on people around you or let people down.
Archetypes
I often imagine the different lives I could lead and envision them as archetypes. There’s a part of me that embodies each of them and it often feels like I can lean too much into one of them whilst neglecting the others.
The creative
There’s a part of me that wants to be my inner child, I want to play with lego, explore the world and generally just build all sorts of fun and interesting things.
This part of me wants to follow my stream of consciousness and play; to build sand castles, make music, write, program, make movies and art.
The change maker
I often look at the state of the world, the way the internet works, how exploitative systems can be and want to tear down the existing power structures and replace them with something that better serves people.
This part of me is a martyr, it puts helping others and the world above all else and is willing to sacrifice my very being to achieve it.
The provider
Then there’s the part of me which wants safety and security, it wants to provide for myself and the people I care about. This part of me looks at the future and wants to shed away all of the pipe dreams and settle down, buy a home somewhere and maybe even raise a family.
This part in a bunch of ways seems like giving up, but in a bunch of ways, I feel like it’s being honest about what’s really important in life. Being there for the people that are important to you and connecting with others.
A sustainable life
At different times in my life I’ve let different archetypes take the reigns and it’s always felt uncomfortable. One aspect of myself or another has cried out and wanted to be heard, it felt neglected and slowly clawed it’s way out until I flipped out and decided to throw my life up in the air.
Lean too far into the creative life and it feels like the work I’m doing is meaningless and I’m not doing enough to improve the world. My sense of security also begins to fall apart.
Give too much of yourself to try to improve the world and I often feel creatively unfulfilled and like my day to day life lacks meaning.
Follow safety and security and it often feels like every day is exactly the same. It begins to feel like all of the things which brought meaning to my life have been sucked out and I begin to suffocate.
I don’t know the answer but i’ll leave you with a question.
How do you craft a balanced life where the archetypes which make us up are integrated with one another in a way that satisfies all our needs?